Funny Auctioneers

What is this politician thinking?

Does he seem to have his mind on the job at hand?

Is the auction block the best place for humor?

Is there a better place for humor?

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Stand Up/Sit Up Funny Auctioneers

Sotheby’s, Christie’s and other top world auction houses might argue that there is no place for humor on the auction floor, including the world’s best joke not told by the auctioneer.  Most high end auctions we’ve attended in the Upper East Side of New York City are not funny.  The auctions we’ve attended in Rockefeller Center were even less funny.  The least funny auction we attended was an auction I bid at because the auctioneer was funny and I felt comfortable until I thought about how much that funny man made me spend.

Is there a margin between the 1 and 0 to include humor within cyber space?  Can humans lead full and productive lives without a good laugh?  We at Auction Technology Specialists playfully suggest laughter is good for opening and great for closing.  We do not endorse a line of knock knock jokes at family estate or divorce auctions.  This statement in no way admonishes liability for making fun of lawyers, politicians or public eye celebrities.

If there was a zombie apocalypse after our auction and you chose to eat lawyers and bankers first, you might have less public resistance.  Auctioneers, in our view, are public helpers with important knowledge; are sometimes called upon to lighten the mood and provide entertainment to our audience.  Again, we do not endorse cross dressing cowboy antics to entice extra bidding.  Some of our competitors will cheezeball it up and offer you an extra side of ham.  We Auction Technology Specialists provide truffle gorgonzola with prosciutto for the gourmet snicker.

Again, for an auction involving a fun and active audience, dietary supplements of pasteurized milk and pork rolls may be the happy pill prescription, and then again, might cause a conservative supportive donor to flip his Afghani stack and chop you a new rear end.  Please stay away from insensitive jokes about racism, sexism, politics, religion, death, destruction, murder, violence, family, friends, personal anecdotes, questionable foreign policy, marriage, divorce, physical characteristics, short people, long noses, New Yorkers and anything else funny.

If you are our competition, try to keep your jokes humorless, boring and long if you are getting paid by the hour.  In the event you, the advanced auctioneer, feel obligated to do the best job possible for your client and audience, focus the fun on yourself.  You can make fun of yourself and no one important gets hurt.  If people are laughing at you when you want them to, hopefully they will buy high and enjoy the purchase when you aren’t expecting.

We do not suggest you take away from the festive nature of the evening, nor over shadow the dias with your comedic performance.  Unless stand up was part of your contract, keep a few opening remarks close at hand, be ready and free to use the go to zingers and keep moderation in mind when spicing things up.

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