Funny Auctioneers

What is this politician thinking?

Does he seem to have his mind on the job at hand?

Is the auction block the best place for humor?

Is there a better place for humor?

Auction Technology Specialists Click

Stand Up/Sit Up Funny Auctioneers

Sotheby’s, Christie’s and other top world auction houses might argue that there is no place for humor on the auction floor, including the world’s best joke not told by the auctioneer.  Most high end auctions we’ve attended in the Upper East Side of New York City are not funny.  The auctions we’ve attended in Rockefeller Center were even less funny.  The least funny auction we attended was an auction I bid at because the auctioneer was funny and I felt comfortable until I thought about how much that funny man made me spend.

Is there a margin between the 1 and 0 to include humor within cyber space?  Can humans lead full and productive lives without a good laugh?  We at Auction Technology Specialists playfully suggest laughter is good for opening and great for closing.  We do not endorse a line of knock knock jokes at family estate or divorce auctions.  This statement in no way admonishes liability for making fun of lawyers, politicians or public eye celebrities.

If there was a zombie apocalypse after our auction and you chose to eat lawyers and bankers first, you might have less public resistance.  Auctioneers, in our view, are public helpers with important knowledge; are sometimes called upon to lighten the mood and provide entertainment to our audience.  Again, we do not endorse cross dressing cowboy antics to entice extra bidding.  Some of our competitors will cheezeball it up and offer you an extra side of ham.  We Auction Technology Specialists provide truffle gorgonzola with prosciutto for the gourmet snicker.

Again, for an auction involving a fun and active audience, dietary supplements of pasteurized milk and pork rolls may be the happy pill prescription, and then again, might cause a conservative supportive donor to flip his Afghani stack and chop you a new rear end.  Please stay away from insensitive jokes about racism, sexism, politics, religion, death, destruction, murder, violence, family, friends, personal anecdotes, questionable foreign policy, marriage, divorce, physical characteristics, short people, long noses, New Yorkers and anything else funny.

If you are our competition, try to keep your jokes humorless, boring and long if you are getting paid by the hour.  In the event you, the advanced auctioneer, feel obligated to do the best job possible for your client and audience, focus the fun on yourself.  You can make fun of yourself and no one important gets hurt.  If people are laughing at you when you want them to, hopefully they will buy high and enjoy the purchase when you aren’t expecting.

We do not suggest you take away from the festive nature of the evening, nor over shadow the dias with your comedic performance.  Unless stand up was part of your contract, keep a few opening remarks close at hand, be ready and free to use the go to zingers and keep moderation in mind when spicing things up.

Thank you for visiting Auction Technology Specialists

We’re good for a great laugh any day so feel free to contact us here


International Auctioneers Convention and Show in Spokane 2012

National Auctioneers Association

2012 International Auctioneers Conference and Show

and International Auctioneers Competition (IAC) in Spokane Washington

What a spectacular experience to be in Spokane Washington with many of the most accomplished auctioneers in the auction industry.  Attendants included the presidents of Ameribid and United Country, Auto Auctioneers from Barett Jackson and Mannheim, Heavy equipment auctioneers and benefit auction specialists from around the globe.

In addition to an international female and male live biding auctioneers competition (IAC), Conference and Show 2012 attendants were able to choose from a list of informative classes taught by knowledgeable specialists.  Classes included branding seminars, bid calling workshops, internet marketing, ring man class, real estate, firearms, benefit auctions, and a host of talks about online auctions, auction technology and the direction of the auction industry.

The weather was beautiful, the food was wholesome and the company of the National Auctioneers Association members was welcome.  Everyone got along and attempted to improve the auction community through town hall meetings, leadership committees, advisory panels, open discussion and of course the online auctioneers’ forum.

Even though this year’s International Conference and Show is already over, there are several educational opportunities through the National Auctioneers Association/Foundation.

Please click on a link for more information abut upcoming auctioneer training and fellowship.  We appreciate you visiting Auction Technology Specialists and hope to better serve your needs in digital future.

Thank you for choosing Auction Technology Specialist Auctioneers

Auction Technology

Auction Technology


New York City, U.S.A.

California has it’s share of Silicone Valley software companies and China makes more than a few computers however, the auction nucleus of the entire world is here in New York City.  No one, London, Moscow, Hong Kong, Paris, Amsterdam, Rome, or any other cultural center on our planet, sells as much as the auction houses of New York City.

Why?  Because New York City enjoys the use of technology, the dollar, and the city is a nexus for foreign and domestic exchange.  By contacting an Auction Technology Specialist, you have access to a very important person.  In addition to yourself, the ATS Auctioneer should be the example of what a modern auctioneer sounds like in the twenty second century.

We appreciate our gavel gravel roots in live auction dusty trail sales.  ATS is the evolution of the auction profession.  With technology we can provide better service to our customers and serve more clients.  It is our pleasure to use the wheel, fire and thought to hammer a bright future for Auction Technology Specialists and our associated companies.  We hope you join us at our campfire and share in the warmth of specialist knowledge.

Our Auction Technology Specialists are ready to consult with you about upcoming Real Estate Sales, Government Justice Department Court Sales, Business Liquidations, Private Estate Sales, Bank Auctions, Luxury Property Sales, Fine Art Auctions, Auto Auctions, Personal Property Appraisals, Online Auctions, Live Auctions, Simulcast Auctions and Black Tie Charity Galas.

Thank you for contacting NAA Auction Technology Specialists

We digitally sell the earth and everything on it

Auction Technology Specialists

National Auctioneers Association (NAA)

Auction Technology Specialists (ATS)

Welcome to

Our list of ATS Auctioneers are prepared to assist clients with online auctions, digital marketing and cutting edge inventory research.

This list of talented and distinguished individuals has completed the required course study and real life requirements to potentially provide exemplary auction technology services.

The National Auctioneers Association (NAA) and National Auctioneers Educational Foundation (NAF) searched the world for the best digital auction innovators on the plannet.

Two excellent examples of completely awesome web techs are brainiacs Robert Mayo and John Schultz who were the binary professors at the recent 2012 Spokane Conference and Convention; the International Auctioneers Competition (IAC).  Our international nerd herd of Auction Technology Specialists’ Class of 2012 included the world’s bright and dedicated National Auctioneers Association Members listed here (With one exception):

Not everyone is listed.  One individual chose to be absorbed into the matrix.  The one who must remain nameless we shall refer to by his screen name of California Grey.

Others who are more sociable and agree to be ravaged by the public eye have their complete contact information here.  If you are searching for an auction professional with the network, resources and knowledge to provide online auctions, live auctions, simulcast auctions or silent convertible bid auctions, choose ATS Auctioneers.

Auction Technology Specialists

Here to auction the world and everything on it